[In]action

Disclaimer: Lately I have felt more prone to blog when I am in a melancholy mood, so if the tone of my posts seems a little off, please forgive me, I'm not quite sure why I feel like blogging to de-stress and clear my head lately... That having been said, I will move on to today's subject, action! (Or lack thereof)

Now let me make this clear, I am not talking about the kind of action you think of associated with movies, like lasers and explosions and very well choreographed martial arts, I am simply referring to action in the sense of "doing something." And reflecting on the problems with not acting. (Again, don't think of this word in a movie-esque sense) Inacting is one of the easiest things in the world to do, especially for me. I have many ideas and opportunities all of the time that end in inaction. But, how can this be when I read so many books about taking action and so forth, how can this be when I know that inaction is much worse than acting and then failing because at least there is a chance of succeeding if you try. How can this be when I know and have oft recited the platitude that "you miss 100% percent of the shots you don't take," and I don't even like basketball! Well, I figured it out. I searched my own brain for the thought processes that were allowing me to circumnavigate around all of this knowledge and justify a course of inaction. I outline this particular stream of consciousness here, just in case it is similar to your own, and in hopes that identifying it will make it easier to overcome. But be warned, I often have a difficult time translating streams of consciousness and abstract thoughts into coherent paragraphs, but I will do my best, so bear with me...

It is not hard to identify the demotivating factor, because it is almost always the same... fear. But this much I have always known, of course fear causes inaction, but to date knowing this has rarely helped me to overcome my issues with inaction. I remember my best teacher, Bro. Little once explained to me how many people would rather have the possibility of success, than know for certain whether or not they would actually be a success. He explained that he had a friend who for years and years would talk about a business idea he had, and loved to bask in the praise that people offered when he explained the idea he would eventually implement. Finally, Bro. Little offered to help him get his idea going and make it a reality, but his friend declined. From an observer's standpoint, his friend seems absolutely ridiculous! Who would rather have the possibility of success than the real thing? Well, I think most of us, but I could be projecting.

I did not understand how I could go against everything I believed about seizing opportunities, until two things happened recently. The first thing is that we talked about time in my family recreation class. We discussed how valuable we hold time in society, how efficiency and busy-ness are highly regarded virtues in our culture. We discusses a book called "In praise of slowness: challenging the cult of speed" and it got my mind going about time, and how in order to feel valued by society we must be busy, and not waste time. The second thing is that I watched "Dead Poets Society" and realized that I really do always feel like there is more than enough future left to do everything I need/want to, but of course, there is not, mortality is carries with it an inevitable, unknowable deadline, by which time you had better have done what you wanted.

Ok, now that I have got that out, I think I can explain my thought process. First, fear makes it possible for me to convince myself that the endeavor I am undertaking cannot succeed. It leaves no room for the possibility of success. Once my subconscious has convinced itself that failure is inevitable, it is easy to conclude that any time and effort applied to aforementioned task would be wasted, in addition to resulting in the sadness affiliated with failure. The mind then decides that facing possible failure it can handle, and wasting time it can do, but both combined is not worth the risk, especially since we are already secretly convinced of our inevitable failure. I can then go about wasting time in some other way that does not involve any risks, and therefore there is no possibility of failure, something that my emotions are not invested in, like Facebook or YouTube.

So, having now identified how I think this awful process works, I am hoping that I will be better able to avoid it in the future. Here's to hoping. Well, I better get going, I have a few calls to make to potential customers for a business idea I have been working on lately, but maybe I will go check my messages and notifications first...

On Dreams...

School has been super awful this semester. And sometimes it really gets me down. These are the times when I wonder why I am even in school at all. Why don't I just leave? Then I think, "What would I do if I left?" It is at this point that I realize that I don't really have much of a clue what I am going to do when I finish anyway, so why not just leave now and figure it out sooner than later? I know I want to be an entrepreneur, I have some ideas I could get started, and all this I want to do so I can live my dreams. It was at this point in my stream of consciousness that I realized I don't really have many dreams...

This turned out to be quite a startling thought for me. I felt like I had just grown so accustomed to a life of school and schedules and jobs, that I had a hard time answering the question: "What would you do if money was not an issue?" So I have thought about that question a lot lately. And it has been a lot harder than you might think to come up with dreams that matter to me, rather than just stealing other peoples because they sound cool. But I have thought of a few things, and I know I am going to need to make this list longer, but these are some of my dreams that I am going to live... Starting this year.

1. Someday, I want to live in Dominica with Katie, even if it just for a month or two. For those of you who don't know, I am not referring to the Dominican Republic. Dominica is a southern Caribbean island we visited last November, and one of the most beautiful places in the world. They call it "The Nature Island" as well as "The Island of Longevity" because they have one of the highest percentages of people over 100 in the world. They grow everything you have ever heard of and more, and the produce there looks like it is on steroids. Plus, dozens of waterfalls, rivers, beaches, and even a boiling lake. Hurricanes are rare, and there are no deadly animals on the island. Paradise...

2. Learn a martial art. I am not 100% decided on which one, though. This is another one that Katie and I both want to do together. For most of my life I was not a fan of this idea, but recently it has sounded more and more appealing, and I am excited to give it a try.

3. Fencing. Weird, I know. But it is another thing I really want to learn and am excited about. So I will.

4. Travel. This one has always been on my list, and I have various specifics destinations I would like to go to, but I will not bore you with the details of each one. I just want to see and experience as much of the world as I can.

5. Become an [amateur] survivalist. I really want to learn more about this kind of stuff. Not like I ever plan on just marching into the mountains one day to live there indefinitely, but I would like to be able to just in case it was ever necessary, or for a weekend or something. But I think I should throw a disclaimer in there, I do not want to be Bear Grylls and learn how to survive in any environment in the world and eat camel dung or whatever. Just be able to live in the mountains like that crazy guy in southern Utah. Except without all of the felonies...

6. Rock Climbing, this could kind of be paired with the last one, since it could be described as a survivalist skill, but I figure I would learn them from different places.

7. Kayaking. I feel like I might like this one, I pretty much need to give it a try and then see if it really is one of my dreams to get god at it, I have it on here as a potential dream.

8. Become a hot-air balloon pilot. Yeah, I pretty much can't think of many things that would be cooler than owning and piloting my own hot-air balloon.

9. Write a book. I am not sure what on, how long, or even what genre... I just want to.

10. This last one is no secret or revelation, I have dreamed of being a successful entrepreneur for years, and in fact I view it as the dream that makes the others possible. For this reason it should probably have been first, but it seemed rather poetic to have the last be the first, so I kept it the way it is.

Well, that looks like a good start to me. I am going to take a lighter class load in the fall and sign up for either martial arts or fencing lessons, and have somewhat of a "mini-retirement." Except without the travel. (Unless of course you count the cruise I will go on in November) So there you have it, and more importantly, there I have it. This is mostly a post for me. One to help me get my thoughts down in writing and give some clarity to them. If you have any dreams, fulfilled or not, comment them below. It might help me get some more inspiration...

New Year, New Adventures!

Hopefully, I will be able to settle back into some kind of more regular blogging routine after my rather lengthy hiatus. When school struck last fall, blogging was never the same. Perhaps it was because homework competed with my attention, or perhaps with summer ending, I had fewer exciting things to post. In the near future, I may go back to chronicle some of the things I have done since I stopped blogging semi-weekly, but for now I want to get the obligatory "New Years" post out of the way while it is still January.

2010 was the first year that I made resolutions that I took deeply to heart and they ended up shaping my entire year. I ended up succeeding with most of them, and that made for a very satisfying year. I wanted the same kind of direction this year, so I spent a lot of time pondering about what would be the most important to me throughout 2011. Only 2 goals really stuck out to me, that I knew would be of paramount importance, but I wanted a more meaningful year so naturally I made up several other goals and dubbed them resolutions. As you may be able to predict, the other goals did not make through even the first couple weeks of January. I know I have rambled on goal setting before, but I realized this month that it does not matter how many goals you set at new years or any given time, but rather how important success in meeting those goals is to you. It is like a quote I read once. "Self discipline is remembering what you really want."

I think many goals are made more meaningful when made at times of your life when you are undergoing big changes. Here are a few changes that I have made since I last posted in order to achieve some goals that are important to me.

1. New home. Having transferred to BYU, I now live on my own in Provo, which was one of my goals of last year, moving me further towards independence.

2. New job. (kind of) I still work for the same company, but now I can work from home, which is a very convenient job for a college student like myself, and in order to be more financially independent, I am trying to work more hours and perhaps even get another job to supplement my income. Hopefully that works out.

3. New friends. This one is pretty hard. I love and miss my Salt Lake friends very much, and have no intention of ceasing to play with them. However, since it is not logical to drive 50 miles every day to hang out with them, I obviously have to leave my shell and make new friends here as well, which can be fun but is also kind of stressful in a way; sometimes afraid to just be myself because relationships are still fragile until people really get to know you, and then I can be my weird, crazy, opinionated self. It just takes time.

4. New school. I realize that I already covered this one, but there are other differences than just location. I know the work load will be greater and teaching styles much different. I am, however looking forward to it.

5. New lifestyle. Last year my physical focus was to become a triathlete. This year it is slightly different. Rather than the more exercise-intensive focus of 2010, I have started out this year with a new diet. Put simply, I eat vegetables, protein, and legumes for every meal and go nuts eating whatever I want one day a week. It is from a book called "The 4-Hour Body" by Tim Ferriss, which [don't worry!] I will not give an extensive review of at this time. But given my obsession with health and nutrition, I look forward to seeing how this works out. I may give occasional updates or insights from my experiences with it, but rest assured I am not going to turn this blog into a food journal or show weekly photos of my topless self in a mirror or anything. (Although you can find before pictures of me here.)

So there you have it. I am going to try my hand at blogging every week again, and see how that works out. If it doesn't, I apologize in advance. Have a great weekend!

Positive Thinking

We have all heard the ancient proverb, "For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." Many others may have even read the short, albeit famous book by James Allen on the subject. But I believe that most of us to not make these words real in our lives through application, or at least we do not do it in a conscious way. Which is quite a shame because there is real power in the practice of positive thinking. (as there is with negative thinking as well...)
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To illustrate my point, I will reference a story from Dr. Melvin Fish's book "Healing the Inner Self." The following is a true account.

"A family was in a car, traveling through an intersection, when a drunk
driver went through a red light at a speed in excess of 100 mph. Upon impact, the family’s car was broken completely into two separate parts, and the occupants scattered. The wife ended up on her back in the median. She knew she had many broken bones so she made no attempt to move. Her little child lay some distance away with a badly fractured skull. The husband was the least injured of any of them. He walked over to his wife and said as he looked down on a bloody mess, “I am a dead man.” Before morning, even though he had no serious injury, he slipped from this world to the next. All the other members of the family recovered."

This story demonstrates how much power there is in our words. Because words spring from thoughts, they make whatever idea you have seem even more real to yourself, the same is true for visualization. Allow me to quote another story from the same source cited above.

"This young man had been a basketball player for the university where he had been attending school, just a year or two prior to this time. While playing ball, he suffered a severe injury which damaged the ligaments in his ankle. The doctor told him that the body never heals itself from such an injury and he must accept the fact that he would never walk on that foot again.
He was not willing to accept that diagnosis. He kept all doubt out of his mind by constantly concentrating on the following mental picture: He visualized tiny little men within his body repairing the injury. To make the mental picture as vivid as possible, he even visualized them wearing T-shirts with logos on them. For several days he visualized those little men with
hammers, chisels, shovels, and brooms chipping away, cleaning up and discarding all of the damaged tissue just as workmen would dispose of debris from a badly damaged building before attempting to rebuild it. The next week was spent in visualizing these same little men with saws,
hammers and nails, bricks and mortar, etc. rebuilding his ankle. Two weeks after the injury, this young man returned to his doctor who could not believe his eyes. He was walking on both feet.
There was, however, a lot of stiffness in the ankle. Visualization then took on another phase of healing. The little men began working first, for a few days, with sandpaper, smoothing and sanding away the scar tissue. Next they spent several days polishing and buffing the new tissue.
Last of all they went around through the ankle with little oil cans lubricating the new tissue. The ankle completely recovered becoming as healthy and normal as the other. The interesting postscript to the story is the fact that soon after starting to play ball again he injured the other ankle, which was also completely healed in the same manner. Both ankles are completely normal and he can play ball without any difficulty or handicap."

Given these two examples, would you not rather utilize this power to make your life better? This is the principle upon which the book and documentary "The Secret" are based. The law of attraction, or the law of the harvest. We get what we focus on consistently, and too many of us in our day and age are consistently visualizing and talking about the negative. Saying things like "I hate my life." "My life sucks." "I'm so ugly." "I'll never reach ____ goal." "I just know I am going to get sick." and so on and so forth. What horrible realities to create for yourself!

Visualizing what you want to happen, and saying positive things about your life and situation is the sure fire way to happiness and success. You may have heard of people practicing "affirmations." To society, it seems like a silly practice, but it can help a lot with focusing your thoughts on the positive. It involves saying positive statements that are in present tense about yourself. So rather than "I will be skinny someday", you say something like "I am excited. I weigh ____ pounds and have never felt better. I love to look in the mirror, and have my clothes feel loose on me. I radiate a sense of health and well-being to everyone around me." See the difference? Imagine how much more powerful that last affirmation is compared to the first, and when combined with a visualization, just imagine the possibilities. But to have it work we have to stop attending pity-parties that we may tend to throw for ourselves, as these will only cause us to focus on the negative, which is what we will end up getting more of.

I know that this process is effective and that it works. I use it often in my life for a variety of problems and concerns. For some reason, it tends to be most effective right before bed and right before you wake up, perhaps your sub-conscious mind is most active at those times and takes those affirmations as truth. I know as well as any how difficult it can be at times to think positively, but in closing this post I will share with you a method I have used to help me when the negative and stressful thoughts start piling up.

I made a list entitled, "Things that make me sad" and write down everything I could think of that was bothering me or causing me stress. These have been things like: "My room is a mess, I need to study my scriptures more, one of my car's tires is going flat, I need to read more..." My last list had 35 items on it that were causing me grief. They can be anything. Then I changed the title to "Things that make me happy" and converted every negative thing on that list into something positive. So my new list was something like this: "I am excited to clean my room tomorrow, I love to study my scriptures everyday and receive inspiration from the Spirit, I'm so glad that I can get my flat tire fixed for free tomorrow, Thank goodness for great authors and tons of books to read..." and the list went on. By the time I was done, I felt really good about my life and the stress was almost completely, if not entirely gone.

All of this can work just as well for you, just keep your thoughts and words positive, and if negative burdens pile up, get them out of your mind and on to some paper where you can deal with them from a more objective stand point, and then change them into fuel for a better life. Good luck.

The Scariest Moment Of My Life!

I have come close to death and severe injury on many occasions in my life. I have nearly drowned twice, once while whitewater rafting, the other time in the ocean. I have had some scary close encounters with shards of glass that should have cut me to ribbons, and have had large rocks falling from above that just missed landing on me. I have been lost in the wilderness by myself more than once, and have nearly fallen off a few rock faces. I have been threatened to be shot while staring at a loaded shotgun. I have lost control of cars on black ice and/or snow several times, and confronted members of the Aryan Nations.

But all of that pales in comparison with what happened yesterday in a Good Earth Natural Foods store... But before I tell you exactly what happened, I will need to provide some background.

Last Christmas, I planned an extra special gift for my dearly beloved sister, April. She had recently gotten into the whole/natural food scene, and so I made and stocked a custom grain cupboard for her. To get the grains needed, I went to WinCo, and Good Earth Natural Foods. I found out that my dear mother also needed to go to these two stores, so like any good son, I decided to go with her. (And also so I wouldn't have to pay for gas.)

Anyway, I'll get to the point. There was a certain cashier at Good Earth, and she was extremely beautiful and radiant. A great smile, and tons of light in her face, she was practically glowing. Anyway, I tried to strike up a little conversation, which is quite difficult when you aren't really buying a lot. So I asked her to show me where something was, then I purchased it from her, and under the pressure of the people in line behind me, I wimped out and kept walking. After I left the store, my mother commented on how the cashiers thought I was "cute". This bolstered my courage and I asked if she would wait in the car while I went back inside to seek this fair maiden's number.

I went back in, grabbed some random product and got in her line. As luck would have it, the person in front of me had some protest about how much something cost, or they couldn't write a check, or their card was declined, or they were paying in all pennies, or something. They must have been there for 10 minutes, and I am standing behind them looking like an idiot because there is another line that is completely open. My nerves grew more tense, and then I heard a car horn. I thought it was my mother, and all my confidence was shattered. I put down whatever it was and left the store, only to find out that it was some one else honking, but it was too late. I could not go back. I was left to wonder if I would ever see this beautiful girl whose name started with "C" and was a little bit strange but I couldn't remember it because it was covered in part by her hair.

Anyhow, it was quite a traumatic experience, and every time I have gone to that store since, I have looked for her, but my efforts have been in vain. That is... until yesterday.

Of Course, fate would not allow me to meet this girl under normal, non-awkward circumstances though. The first time we met, I was with my mother (whom I love, and is in no way embarrassing to have around other than the fact that she is my mom...) and this time I was going to the aforementioned store to get supplies for a "Clue" themed party to be held that evening; and of course, was already in my costume. So here I am, dressed up as a character from a board game, this time having given a ride to my sister and nephew, and there she is. My sister sees how my eyes lock onto this angelic creature, gives a knowing look, and prods me over to ask for her number.

So there I stood. Eight months, almost to the day since I last saw her, and I go and get the same thing I purchased from her in December, ginger ale. I go through the line, while my sister takes the parallel checkout line, the whole while jerking her head in a "go ahead, ask her" motion, and I wimp out and keep walking. I just couldn't do it, asking a girl out without any basis is too scary. I am fine asking girls out that I know, or even ones I don't know that I can talk to for at least 5 minutes, but the fear of the unknown here was crippling. While my sister continued checking out, I seized my nephew in hopes that he would be a conversation starter, or if hit the jackpot, he would be as enthralled with this girl as I was, then I'd have an easy in. But no such luck. I left the store again, heartbroken. But at least this time I could read her name tag, "Caprise." Once out of the store, my sister threatened to go and ask herself if I didn't, and gave me the same reassuring confidence boost I got back in December. "She thinks you're cute, I'm a girl I can tell."

So for about a minute I gathered my courage, prepared what I was going to say, marched right back in there, she greeted me by saying "back again, huh?" in a melodiously beautiful voice, and I said... "Where is your bathroom?"

Apparently, I needed some more courage gathering, so I went to the bathroom, and on my way back out, I grabbed a sample cup of chocolate soy milk, drank it and then looked for a garbage can that I knew they kept under the registers so I could be close to her. This time there was no one else in the line, just Caprise, standing there looking at me, perhaps wondering why I was wearing a green shirt, green tie, and faded green corduroy flood pants. (I was obviously "Mr. Green" from Clue...) I disposed of my sample cup, looked her in the eye, and turned around to face the door. Then I stopped, turned back to face her, leaned over and said, "Actually I have one more question." She encouraged me to ask it, and I so I nervously inquired : "Not to be weird or creepy or anything, but I was wondering if you ever go on dates with random guys who come into natural... I mean, Good Earth Natural Foods..." She smiled that beautiful smile, giggled a little bit, and then said, "I would, if I was single..."

And that was it, just like that it was over. I gave her another smile, which she returned, and I quietly left the building. Now, this may not have been the ending I wanted, but the good news is, now that I have done it once, I think that I have crossed over some kind of mental barrier I had. So look out random good looking receptionists, cashiers, dental assistants, and girls on the street, there ain't no stopping me now...

Cost-Benefit Analysis

I don't think there are any activities that bring true, long term satisfaction except for those which involve considerable sacrifice and/or inconvenience. Often, the sacrifice will involve money, and it will always include a sacrifice of some of your time.

A cost-benefit analysis is typically used to make financial decisions, but I feel that it can be applied to most every decision when deciding if the result of carrying out that decision is worth more than the time and resources put into it. Going through this process is necesarry if we desire to follow the ancient counsel: "Wherefore, do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor your labor for that which cannot satisfy."

Now the question: What satisfies you? Or in other words, what is so important to you that the time, inconvenience, and money it costs are no longer an issue? The answers will inevitable vary from person to person, but I think there are a lot of similarities in what we each value. As I give and explain my answers to the above questions see if you can identify some things about your own priorities.

Creating joyful memories is one of the most valuable and satisfying things I can do, and on a similar note, I find immense satisfaction in building positive relationships. These two feed off of and reinforce one another, memories are created as relationships are built and vice versa. The long-term worth of good friends and memories exceeds most anything else you can invest in. When difficult times inevitably arrive, I plan on having a reservoir of happy memories to draw on and hopefully a team of friends to support me, just as I try to be supportive of them.

Recently I took a road trip with a few friends up to the Pacific Northwest, which I will no doubt blog more about later. The trip was designed to be relatively inexpensive but of course it still carried with it a sizable price tag in money, time lost at work, missing school, and so forth. But I hardly gave those things a second thought when invited because I knew that the memories made and friendships strengthened were well worth it, and I was right. I also do not typically like to eat out a lot, but eating clam chowder or fish and chips on a pier in Seattle was more than just a meal, it was an experience.

I rarely, if ever watch TV or movies by myself because I do not think the loss of time is worth what I gain. Especially if I have seen that movie before, or if it is not educational in someway. However, I often watch movies and shows with friends/family because spending time together strengthens bonds and so forth. I'm sure by now you get the idea.

Other things that are worth my efforts, I put into goals so that I can measure them better. These are mostly things that are meant to improve myself as a person spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Things like studying the scriptures, exercising/triathlons, reading good books that benefit me with what I learn, which is why I only review non-fiction books on my blog. (I like fiction as well, but typically only listen to it while doing other things.)

Aspects of many of these things are not enjoyable, but the overall result is truly satisfying. Hiking as an example, the blisters, soreness, bug bites, and rocks in your shoes are not very fun. But the scenery and views you see, the peace you feel, the strength and endurance you gain, the appreciation for nature's beauty, the satisfaction you achieve, and (if you are not alone) the relationships built and strengthened, make the whole experience one worth repeating.

Before I wrap things up, I want to make a brief comment on the things we buy, rather than just the activities we spend money on. The same rules for me apply. Most often I can justify a purchase because of the long term benefits it will provide to me, take my recent purchase of a raft for example. It will help me better myself physically as I get exercise, as well as help create memories and friendships as I share it with others. The same went for my bike, my wetsuit and everything else that was required for my triathlons, these things are investments in a better life.

I hope that we are all happy with the way we spend our time and money, and if not, I know that we can be by undergoing a cost-benefit analysis by seeing how activities and purchases will help us later in and throughout life, and beyond. Pleasure is always trumped by satisfaction.

My First Olympic Triathlon!

This will be a post very similar to the last time I talked about my triathlon experience, and I will just put what I learned this time in here, rather than make a separate post for it again.

Alright here goes, my plans to get to bed early did not work out, neither did my plans to go to sweet tomatoes. I ate a bunch of pasta at home and then just tried to go to bed. Getting everything ready took longer than I thought so I didn't have time to do PM yoga either. That may be the reason I could not fall asleep. I just lay there for an hour or more thinking about the race, and visualizing my triumphant leap through the finish line. Finally I put on a talk from speeches.byu.edu, because those usually put me right out, but it still took lots longer than usual.

When my first alarm went off I turned it off and waited until the second, third, and forth went off. Then I was up, and had "The Final Countdown" in my head (I recommend opening this link in a new tab and listening to the song while you read the post!) while I gathered everything up I had so nicely prepared the night before and at some cereal and a banana. Now I was off. I arrived just on time, that is to say, about an hour early. Which was enough time to look around, stretch, talk to others, and get my body marked, but not way too much time like my first triathlon.

After getting my little transition spot all set up, I put on the ol' wetsuit and got in the water to get acclimated. It wasn't too horrible actually, about 61 degrees with a wetsuit is just fine once your feet go numb, and until you put your face in. They delayed the start for a little while to try to clear a bunch of driftwood out of the way of the course, but let's just say they didn't get it all...

When they announced we would be starting in "3...2...1..." I scrambled to get to the back of the group so I didn't get killed and then jumped in and started swimming. I immediately realized why it is important to have anti-fog drops for your goggles, because even with them it is really hard to see the buoy that you are supposed to swim to. At first I tried to just swim with everyone else, elbows, legs, hands and everything flailing all around me... Then it got less crowded, which was nice. I guess I figured everyone had just kind of found an equilibrium with their surroundings, but I was wondering why I kept hearing a whistle blowing and someone yelling "right, swimmer!" I guess I just figured it was someone else's problem, until I stopped and looked around to see that I was way off course! I tried to re-correct my direction and the next time I checked I was off again! It is terribly difficult to swim in a straight line in a lake when the water is moving, the water is cloudy, and there is no line on the bottom to follow. It was all I could do to try to stay with the "herd" but even this didn't always workout, since some of them would stray off too. (See diagram below)

I was already tired and only a sixth into it, and I knew there was only one way to keep my cool: pretend I was not in a triathlon. I would stop for a couple seconds and say hello to the lifeguards, or tell them good morning, just as if I was out on a beautiful summer day for a leisurely dip. When I ran into someone I would politely say "excuse me" and keep going. Last time I could afford to be a little competitive in the swim and committed myself to doing only freestyle stroke. This time, anything was fair game. I would switch to breast every now and then to get my bearings and look for the buoys, then I would do backstroke when I got tired and then I would slap someone on accident and switch back to freestyle, only to find that I had been going completely off course. If swimming straight in a lake is hard, backstroke is 10 times worse! At one point I switched to backstroke after rounding a buoy and when I got my bearings again I found out I had actually been going backwards. And even when I could get myself moving forwards, the buoys seemed to be swimming away from me. Oye ve.

The good news is, even though you may think it is not an admirable trait to swim all skiwompus in crazy loops and zig zags, consider the fact that I probably swam farther than anyone else in that lake. So there, I bet I did a half-ironman distance swim, actually. But while I'm speaking of skiwompusness, there was one guy who I think made it his personal mission to swim in a crazy floating zig zag pattern specifically designed to block my progress. Oh well.

Anyway, a few more collisions with people and driftwood as well as a few swallows of lake water to keep hydrated, I made it out of the lake in one piece. I must have been one of the last ones because there were hardly any bikes in the transition area! One glance backwards confirmed my suspicions. I think there were only 2 or 3 Olympic distance swimmers left in the lake, and one was a girl! (they start several minutes after the men). Oh well, at least my bike was easy to find.

I admit it, I was too tired to do a really fast transition, so I took my sweet time, and was a little nervous in getting on the bike because my legs were already sore due to the variety of strokes I had to use to stay alive in the lake, and my arms were so sore that I could hardly support my torso by holding on to the handlebars! I managed to get up and going though, this time not so gung-ho about passing everyone, even though I did a few, of course. Then my morale took another hit when the first place kid came zooming in on his bike shortly after I got on mine.

26 miles is a long way, and it feels even longer when the first half of the bike leg is all uphill. I was happy to have a long downhill stretch to look forward to though. I tried my first GU packet at this point, and it wasn't bad, I just hoped it helped me get back some energy because people were passing me, which is unacceptable, even though most of them were sprint distance people, so they had half the distance to go. Ultimately, I think everyone passed me except for one blessed soul though. He was my motivation to keep going strong, to keep me safe from last place! I beat him to the top of the hill and turned around for the downhill half, only to feel a gust of wind in my face. Terrific. But I was still doing good, until I noticed a girl with a flat tire. As I went by I yelled out, "do you have everything you need?" and she said, "um... yeah..." Not a good sign. So I turned around and biked back to her only to find out she had no clue how to change a flat. I had kept telling myself I just wanted to finish, and not worry about the time, so I helped her. As I did, that other guy zoomed by. Oh well. Once she was good to go, I got back on course and she was close behind me the whole time, but I never let her pass me. Until the run, at least...

As I biked into the transition area, I passed people who had finished and were heading home. I knew most of them were sprinters, but it was still a little disheartening. But then I saw my 3 friends Amber, Lisa, and Tosh walking and cheered that they came and they cheered for me. That renewed my zeal as I got off my bike, slipped my shoes on with my new rubber laces I had just bought (which are fabulous by the way) and grabbed a GU packet and took off running.

The transition wasn't too bad, thanks to the brick workouts I've been doing, but I couldn't finish the GU packet because it made me thirsty so I just ran with it and it got all over me! (but I didn't want to litter!) I passed my friends again who were in the middle of making signs, my favorite was an unfinished one that Tosh read aloud as I ran by, "You are doing GREAT, keep..." it was quite funny. It wasn't long after that when the girl who I helped with her bike ran past me, and for the remainder of the run I was left to battle it out for last place with this woman twice my age. I kind of set my pace to hers, and she started taking little walking breaks so I caught up with her, we were neck and neck for a mile or two, and made it through the first lap, still fighting for second-to-last place.

This part was torture! I think it is unfair to have to run 2 laps because then you know what is ahead and that is no fun, because then I just dread the hills! But to make matters worse, the second lap starts about 10 feet from the finish line, to be right there and then have to run away again, oh... pure psychological torture. I think that is one reason I ended up "hitting the wall" (as they say) a little later and had to take a walking break. Fortunately, I can walk pretty fast because of my long legs, and she would walk periodically too so we were still close. Eventually though, she pulled away from me and I kept run/walking after her. I got my 6th or 7th wind (I think I used up my second one in the swim) as I got close to the finish line, and was able to run the rest of the way there. My friends were there cheering me on, and I ran up to the finish line and mustered all the energy I could to "leap" through it like I had pictured myself doing, but with the way my legs were, I'm sure it was more of pathetic hop, than a triumphant leap.

But I finished! That is the cool thing, and despite pretty much everyone else being done before me, I still got a time that I was okay with, around 3 1/2 hours. And even better news: I found out I wasn't last! There was at least 2 people behind me somewhere. One person who apparently had gotten lost during the run when they took a wrong turn, and an old grandma lady. Bless their hearts.

Then I had learned that Amber won a gift certificate (that she gave to me) for being the most supportive fan there, and even cheering for everyone else too. My friends are the best! They even shaded and fanned me as I lay on the ground and as I stretched. Not to mention that they got me a whole quart of chocolate milk that I drank on the way home. I doubt they will ever know how much it meant to me to have them there cheering me on. And especially to have them there to give me and my bike a ride back to my car because there is no way I had another 3 miles left in me to get back to it myself!

During the ride home my feet were so sore it hurt to even just have shoes on, and for some reason even my fingers were sore. But man, was it nice to shower and take a nice long nap when I got home...

THE END

Training

Both in honor of my Triathlon tomorrow, and in response to request from a reader, (Shayla, this is for you) I have decided to do a post that outlines my basic training strategies over the last months.

I did not have money for a coach, so I read almost everything I could find to get an idea of what to do, I would frequently check out USA Triathlon's website, as well as Active.com. And if you are into keeping logs and stuff, which I have not the patience for, beginnertriathlete.com is very helpful. I would also read books and magazines, and recommend: "Triathlon 101" by John Mora.

The first step is to register for the event, and make sure you give yourself enough time. Having paid $70.00 or so, should help keep you committed. I didn't do this at first because I got the Triathlon bug in the fall, and there were no races to sign up for, but I knew I would in the spring. I would go to the gym and stuff throughout fall and early winter, but it wasn't until closer to when I had a specific date in mind that my training gained a lot of structure.

It doesn't take a coach to know that you should focus on your weaknesses first, so that is what I did. I was horrible at swimming, so I committed myself to swim 3 times a week, and I then I would run 2 days a week, and bike once. It took me a month or two until I could swim more than two laps with relatively decent technique, and that was gained from watching others, taking their advice (if it was good) and you tube videos. But be careful who you take swimming advice from, a lot of people don't know what they are talking about.

The weeks went on, and I would add a lap each time I went swimming, add a mile every now and then while running, and eventually incorporating new things into my workouts like Yoga and weight training. And when I reached a milestone, (Half marathon run and mile swim) Sickness struck. This was awful, because I had to work back up to where I was, and then I got sick again like a month later. (Thus, the last post!)

Things have a way of conspiring against you to test your commitment. Even though I successful dodged the sickness bullet recently, I did manage to fall pretty hard on a run the other day and take some skin off of my knees. That held me up in running and swimming for another week. Things get frustrating, some days it is like pulling teeth to work out, and you don't know why running two miles is so hard, when last week you did ten! But you never know how your body might be doing one day, so cut yourself some slack.

One thing I did not have a problem with during my training is eating enough. When you are training hard you have to eat a lot more, especially carbohydrates. Do not think that significantly increasing exercise without increasing calories is a good idea. It may be good for weight loss, but it is not good for your health, and it is certainly not good for your training. You need those calories for energy and recovery, if your muscles can't recover properly, then your workout was wasted.

While I'm on the subject of carbs, let me just explain "carbo-loading."

• Who? This is a good idea for endurance athletes, who are racing for an hour or more. A sprinter need not carbo-load.
• What? It is a way to increase the amount of energy (glycogen) your body stores in the muscles.
• Why? So you you can go farther, faster. Duh!
• When? You can do it over time to gradually build up your glycogen stores, and then typically the night before a race, like a marathon or triathlon, just TANK UP on carbs! (Mind you these should be complex carbs, not donuts, cake, and rice krispee treats)
• Where? Buffets are good, my favorite is Sweet Tomatoes/Souplantation.
• How? See also, "where." Just eat a bunch of carbs, particularly the night before a race. (There is a more exact science on how to do it, if you care, click here.)
  

So there's most of my training experience. If you are doing a triathlon, make sure to do some brick workouts, so you are not surprised on race day at how much it sucks to go from bike to run, and if you are marathoning, go at least 20 miles on your own, and make sure it is not too much of a struggle. We like surprises, just not on race day.

Other than that, some last tidbits of random advice...

Train with a friend, it is much easier. Tell everyone what you are doing, it helps to make you feel accountable to them, and gets you more excited. Know your limits and listen to your body, if your resting pulse goes up or you get sick often, cut back. Make sure you are getting at least 8 hours of sleep at night, really. (Especially the week or two before a race) Make sure you enjoy it, it is okay to hate it sometimes, that may be inevitable, but love it at least half the time. If you think long runs or bikes are boring, get books on tape, they are awesome. Stretch, especially afterwords. Mix it up, take different routes and don't always try to add more distance, sometimes work on speed, sometimes just take a walk and let your body recover. Ease up on the training the week of the race. Stay off the scale, don't focus on weight loss, focus on training, the rest will take care of itself.

There you have it, almost all of my training experience in a nutshell. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to go to Sweet Tomatoes before PM yoga and getting to bed early. Wish me luck, I will doubtless post tomorrow on how great I did.

Day 1

This is just a brief update...

There is already one thing that I know I will not miss over the next month: sugar hangovers! Since I ate more sugar than usual yesterday I have a bad one today. The symptoms are not those of a traditional hangover as I know them, there is really only one main symptom... a constant feeling of slugishness. I know that is not a real word, but the day or two after I eat a lot of sugar, it always slows me down mentally, motivationally, and of course physically. I hate it, not only is working out (or doing anything productive for that matter) way harder, but getting myself to is just as difficult.

But at least I overcame! I went running today, despite the difficulty AND the rain, and then even went hiking after! It was fun, even with a little rain. For the first time I saw two elk, and we heard a pack of wolves, or maybe coyotes... Anyway, that is when we turned around and headed back! :)

And now I feel way better, I guess the cure for a sugar hangover is lots of exercise! And just for your information: Tosh and I "amended" the rules of the dessert fast...

Granola Bars are now banned because we looked at how much sugar they had in them.

Fruity/bubble gum is banned, but mints and minty gum are okay.

Dessert Fast

You may think that the title may be an extract from a sentence something akin to: "Go get me some dessert fast!" But alas, it is referring to an actual fast, in the sense of going without food for a period of time. But instead of going without all food I am going on a fast of "just desserts." (pun totally intended) How long can one be expected to go without dessert, you ask?

How about the ENTIRE month of June?!

I really have my friend Tosh to blame for all of this. He started his abstinence from delicious, sugar-filled confections a week or two ago, and I thought I might as well be a good friend and do it with him, but I would wait until June to start, and then break the fast triumphantly on the 4th of July. June seems like a good month to do it, there are no major holidays, and like I said earlier,
I don't crave sugar as much when I am active, which I will certainly be in the summer.

I actually did this same thing 2 years ago, and it was hard because I was all alone, but I figure there is strength in numbers, so in addition to Tosh, I talked my friend Suki into doing it with us. This time it should be a cinch, right? Anyway, one thing I learned last time is that when you stop eating refined sugars, regular food tastes WAY better. If you don't like vegetables, see how good they taste after two weeks without sugar, you may be surprised, and you may not even want to add any salt. Another thing I learned is that the longer you go without sugar, the worse you feel when you eat it, and the less you enjoy it. This may sound like a deterrent for some, but honestly it is one of the best benefits to going without for a while. When I broke my sugar fast 2 fourth of July's ago, I ate every dessert I could see, and thought I was going to die afterwords.

Okay, so this is my last weekend when I can have dessert for a while so I have not been shy with the Dunford chocolate donuts that were at my parents' or the cookie dough in the fridge, and I think tomorrow there will be some serious last minute sugar fixes to satisfy. Maybe I should have tapered down my sugar consumption before the big day... Oh well, too late now!

So here's the rules*:

Fruit is totally okay, I can eat all I want and more.

Condiments are still okay, I can have jam on my toast and/or PB&J sandwiches.

Granola bars are okay, but only in strict moderation. (No more than one box of bars per sitting)

Desserts (especially those made with refined sugars) are all out. (That means no cookies, brownies, Crème brûlée, rice krispee treats, cake, pie, candy, candy bars, otter pops and... dare I say it? ...ice cream... )

Sugar Cereals are out.

All Soda and other sugary beverages are forbidden. (Gatorade is alright for during workouts, and chocolate milk as a recovery drink.)

No "Sugar Free" substitutes that are sweetened artificially! (Since these are worse for you than the alternative anyway, and have the same dulling effect on your taste buds, making you want more and more sugar.)

*This is not a contest, it is something we are doing for ourselves. There are no prizes, and no judges but yourself. There will inevitably be circumstances in which we must decide whether or not something should be eaten. (i.e. which cereals count as sugar cereals) This is up to the individual, we stand to gain nothing by "cheating" because we would only be cheating ourselves. We, as participants are supporting one another, not competing.

And that's about it, I will start in a little more than 24 hours, wish me luck! In the meantime, I think I could go for another bite or two of cookie dough...

My First Triathlon!

Okay, So I just got home from my very first triathlon and I thought I would give the details since they are still fresh, and at the end I will share what I learned...
So I went to bed super early last night and set 5 or so alarms just in case. (unless you count drinking a lot of water, then it would be 6 alarms ;) ) I did my pm yoga practice to calm me down and do some stretching and it worked like a charm. I woke up 1 or 2 times in the night with a mix of excitement and my 6th alarms going off early, and when 5:00 came, I was up and ready to go, having laid out all my stuff the night before, and my bike in the car already. I ate some oatmeal with peanut butter and a banana and took off. I way overestimated the time it would take me to get there, in my frazzled and excited state of mind I actually factored in extra time for traffic, just in case. (note: it was 5:30am on a Saturday!) Suffice it to say, I was there in like 15 minutes, got my race packet, they wrote numbers all over me, I stashed my bike in the transition area, and still had 2 hours until the pre-race meeting.

I spent most of the time just wandering around in the cold in flip flops and a swimsuit, fortunately I did bring a hoodie, but my feet were cold. I did some stretching, some a.m. yoga (which made me feel silly in front of everyone) and eventually the time passed and it was 8:00, pre-race meeting. They covered the basics, told us where the course went (like I'd remember, that's why they have signs!) and I headed to the bathroom before the race. Apperently, I wasn't the only one who thought it was a good idea to lose a few ounces of weight before starting because there was no toilet paper, and unfortunately I did not notice until it was too late. This was a dilemma, 20 minutes until race time and I was stuck in a stall. How humiliating. I quickly analyzed my options, and decided I'd have to ask the stall next to me if they could "spare a square". I was just working up the courage when I heard the people in both other stalls loudly complain about a lack of TP in their stalls as well. Now I was doomed! I scanned my surroundings for other options, no toilet seat covers, no tissues, and then... there it was. Divine providence had placed a scrap of paper towel at my feet, and though I knew it was disgusting, I had no choice, that scrap saved me.

After that exciting moment, we all got in line to start the swim according to our 100m swim times. I placed myself with the "average" swimmers, I stood in line among these middle aged women and thought I was in the right skill group, I was wrong. My number was called and jumped into the water and took off. I haven't been swimming hard core for a couple of weeks because of a recent illness, but I thought 2 weeks wouldn't matter, I was wrong. I struggled to make it to the end of the first lap, near paralyzed at the prospect of doing the same thing 7 more times, I tried to keep reminding myself I was a good swimmer and had done a mile a couple weeks ago without too much trouble, 400m was nothing. But I did not believe myself, each time a middle aged lady swam past me I felt more and more humiliated, my only scrap of dignity I could maintain was to not give in to the urge to start doing backstroke, if I could do the whole thing freestyle, even if I was slow, I would feel okay about it. I think about 4 people ended up passing me, which is scary because they pace you 5 seconds apart, and I was with the "average" people.

Every time I caught a glimpse of the remaining laps, my determination faltered a tiny bit, but somehow I made it. I jumped out of the water, and wobbled over to my flip-flops and hoodie, and walked to the transition area, not able to jog. I was worried that I felt so drained but I got to my bike, put on my bike shoes, helmet, and shirt, and was off.

Now I was in my element. I was not even deterred by the huge hill that lay before me because I passed almost everyone in sight. It was incredibly satisfying to fly past so many people, I did not even realize that biking was as much of a forte as it was. I cruised up the hill, for a few miles and was regaining all of the confidence that I had left in the pool. It was particularly exciting to pass one of those people with the 3-4 thousand dollar bikes. Right near the top of the hill, another guy managed to pass me, and as he did, he said: "Man, you're flying on that thing!" Oh, that did it, my confidence and adrenaline went into over drive, I couldn't let this guy be the only one to pass me, so I began chasing him down a big hill, but he was quick! So I crouched down and relished in the sound of the wind passing as I torpedoed down this hill at 30-40 mph. I lost a little momentum on a sharp turn, but did not let up, even thought the guy in the blue shirt that passed me was nearly out of site. I kept going, another stretch of downhill, and then it was time to pay for all the fun I'd had with a very long, very steep climb. It was seemingly endless! Each time you thought you could see the top, you would get there and just see another stretch of uphill, but this turned out to be a great blessing, because I ended up passing about 5 or more people on this stretch, including Mr. Blue Shirt. My legs burned each time I pushed down on the pedal, and somewhere in the back of my mind a piece of advice I'd heard or read started to warn me: "Don't give it your all on the bike, because it will make the run incredibly difficult". I tried to reassure myself I was not giving it my all, just my most. Besides, it was now my goal to not let anyone else pass me, now that I had regained my lead over blue shirt. And when I finally reached the top of the hill, I but into high gear and let loose. There were 3 people in front of me that I could see, and I could tell I was closing in on them. I overtook the first one and crouched down into a more aerodynamic position, chasing the remaining two. I slowed slightly at an intersection and the guy I just passed breezed by me. Now it was on. I put my heart and soul into overtaking all three of them, and at about 100 yards to go until T2, I did just that. It was so close that when I dismounted the guy that had passed me was right behind and ran past me to his bike spot. But I did not care, I had won the bike leg of the race! Walking afterward was difficult though.

I made it to my little spot and changed shoes much faster than I had in T1, and tried jogging a little bit. Wow. They are not kidding when they say T2 is the hardest transition. And of course, the run leg began with a nice stretch of uphill running, on grass... I passed people I saw walking and desperately wanted to join them, but just like my determination to stick with freestyle in the swim leg, I tried my best to not start walking, no matter how slow I ran. There was a guy about two feet in front of me that I set my pace with, if he could do it, I could. I just hoped he didn't stop to walk because I needed the motivation I got from following him. The uphill did not end after the grass, and continued up and up through some neighborhood in Kearns. The guy I had been following had a ridiculous watch that would beep every mile, and when it went off the first time, he announced "one mile!" and I just about died. "You mean I have two more to go?!" I almost started walking right there, but did not give in, I could see a water station and knew it must be the halfway point, I only walked to drink my water and then kept running, knowing that the downhill had to start soon, even though I was beginning to think that the whole running course was something akin to M.C. Escher's painting of the never ending staircase!

Then I saw the spires of the Olympic Oval, which I knew housed the finish line, and the descent began! A couple of people got bursts of speed and ran past me, but it was all I could do to keep running, I smiled at ever spectator I saw and made small talk as I ran by at a pace of what may have been only 3mph, until I made it into the building and onto the the track, only 100m to go! My original intent was to sprint the last bit, but that did not work out so well, I managed to pick it up to a normal running pace at least with about 15m to go, and then I crossed the finish line.

Oh, what relief! What fun to hear the people you never met cheering for you as you ran through. I celebrated by eating a banana and drinking some chocolate milk, and I soon learned that was all my body could handle at that point. A few minutes later (ironically) my Sister, brother-in-law, and nephew showed up, and took pictures and gave me a balloon. :)

The final results... 83rd Place, (woot!) which is out of about 300 people I think... And I finished in 1:28:38, which made me happy since my goal was to beat 1:30:00. The realization of what just happened didn't hit me until I was driving home and a wave of satisfaction came over me, now I really am a triathlete!

(Just ignore my weird face on this picture)

School's Out!

What an exciting day, yesterday was my last day of school, so to celebrate I went and picked up my bike from the shop where it was getting tuned-up and assembled. Then I rode it triumphantly around town! Now, this was my first real experience riding a road bike, and with clipless pedals even, but you should all be proud of that I did not even crash or fall over once. Thank you, thank you. I also went bowling with some friends that night that are leaving for the summer, it was a fun day for sure. So, now that school is out today begins my efforts to stay busy and make this summer more meaningful than any that have come before. I thought more about things I want to do, among them are: learn Spanish better, play piano better, learn guitar, and GO CAMPING LOTS! I really like camping, hiking, all that outdoorsy stuff, and I really felt like I didn't go enough last year, so look out mountains, here I come. I know I had better set up some kind of schedule though, to allot time for each of those things, or at least a couple of them.

My first order of business for today though, is to go buy some shorts. To a normal person, this wouldn't seem like a very difficult task, but for me it is. If you don't know me, I am quite tall, about 6'6", and a lot of this height is in my legs, so what would look like "man-pri's" on others, are the kind of shorts I need, anything else just ends up looking like short-shorts. And we certainly can't have that. I heard a rumor that American Eagle shorts are longer than normal, so I may have to check out there, we shall see.

So, that's the news lately, I'll keep posting on how all of this turns out, (not just the shorts) and I wish you luck on having a fun and exciting summer as well.

My Own Dream...

Wow, I was really philosophical last post... So today I decided to make a more personal application and talk about me! That is the idea of a blog right? Hmm...

Anyways, about 10 years ago, I was sitting on the couch on a Saturday watching TV, a relatively common activity for me at the time, and as usual, nothing was on because it was Saturday, and we didn't have cable so I could watch Shawshank Redemption re-runs on TBS, I was stuck between watching one of the same old infomercials I had already seen 100 times like the Bowflex one or the Jack LaLane Power Juicer. (Two of my favorites) But somehow, I got to flipping through the 7 channels we had and I came across footage of the "Escape from Alcatraz" Triathlon. I was quite awestruck, watching this swarm of people swim through freezing water with sharks possibly in there, and running through sand... These people in my mind were the physical elite. Second only perhaps to Olympians. I enjoyed watching it, and was amazed to see a 13 year old finish the race. I was about that age at the time, and I couldn't believe some one my age finished that with all of those adults. And somewhere deep inside of me, something happened.

I sure as heck didn't know it at the time, I would never have thought that I could do what those people on TV did. It would be like the average American thinking they could one day compete with Michael Phelps. So I didn't even allow myself to realize that I had a desire to be like the people I saw on TV, until last September. I was swimming (more like splashing, actually) at the gym with my Brother-in-law, when some how the subject of Triathlon came up. That's when we set the goal to do it, we would be triathletes. He changed his mind a day or two later, but I couldn't go back on it, I had finally allowed myself to believe it was possible, and the idea consumed my thoughts for weeks. I looked up all I could online about the sport, the different distances, and local races. Since it was September, the season was pretty much over, but I resolved stronger than I had before to train through the winter and that in the year 2010 I would be a triathlete.

That has been my dream since then, I am already signed up for my first triathlon on April 24th! I am so excited, I have worked hard. I went from feeling dead after a 5k to running more than 13 miles in mountainous terrain. Swimming was the hardest though. Running does not involve a great deal of technique, but swimming is a different story. After months (literally) of working on my technique and endurance, I could still not swim 2 laps, but once I got the technique basically down, I tried to go one more lap each time, now I can go a mile.

I'm not trying to toot my own horn, I am trying to express the possibility of achieving what you (like me) may have once deemed impossible.