Ebbs and Flows

What is it about life that makes it seem to flow by easily and enjoyably for some period of time, and other periods are extremely difficult? I have thought that it is because circumstances will often change and cause us varying degrees of happiness or frustration, but I have realized lately that I still find myself having a particularly difficult or good time even when the status quo of my life remains relatively unchanged. And at other times circumstances change drastically, affecting to varying degrees how I feel.

I am not sure which is preferable, constancy or variance. The terrifying thought of constancy is getting caught in a less than desirable state of mind, so it is only comforting while you are happy and feel like things are going well. In contrast, variance brings reassurance during difficult times that things will and must eventually turn around. Of course it does not matter what I prefer. Life will bring you constantly changing motivations and circumstances, like it or not.

I have my own thoughts and ideas that trouble me that come around every now and then, at times I am incredibly motivated to fulfill certain goals, while at others I just feel like I need to make through the day, week, month, semester, etc. But in the darkest times, the old cliche "when God closes a door, He opens a window" holds true. Some kind of good is always flowing, even if the vast supply of your happiness seems ebbed. That is what we need to hold on to. The fact that happiness is always flowing. There is always something that can bring us satisfaction, joy, or fulfillment. It is difficult to focus on the water that gets past the hoover dam, because all that is held up behind it, and the dam itself are so awe inspiring as to steal all of our attention.

So when I just don't feel at all like reading my scriptures, or sticking to a budget, it is likely at that point that I really like to exercise, and I should focus on that and enjoy it as much as possible until the tables turn and reading scriptures is a pleasure and working out is like pulling teeth. There are wonderful times when many, if not all of these kinds of things seem to flow easily in your life. Embrace those times, however long they last, they are a great blessing.

So when some aspects of life really suck, acknowledge those things, without focusing exclusively on them. Do not convince yourself that your whole life is doomed to sorrow, because you failed a test, got sick, had your feelings hurt, got laid off, lost a friend, or whatever else. As you do so, I think you will find that happiness will "flow" more freely and frequently.

Honestly, I hope that such is the case, because it is what I am striving to do. I am no oracle or guru that has obtained unending peace and happiness. I need this advice as much as or more than anyone, which is often the case with what I write. So if you are struggling, look for the good, and if you are doing great, bask in it. Enjoy it as much as possible, and fill your positive memory bank so that you will have something to draw on when things are not so smooth.

In closing, I quote the demon Screwtape in a letter to his nephew, Wormwood on the need we have for change (ebbs and flows) and the dangers that arise if we allow their kind to exploit that need through fear, as well as an assurance that, in times of seemingly excessive ebbing, eventual flows are inevitable...

"The horror of the Same Old Thing is one of the most valuable passions we have produced in the human heart—an endless source of heresies in religion, folly in counsel, infidelity in marriage, and inconstancy in friendship. The humans live in time, and experience reality successively. To experience much of it, therefore, they must experience many different things; in other words, they must experience change. And since they need change, the Enemy (being a hedonist at heart) has made change pleasurable to them, just as He has made eating Pleasurable. But since He does not wish them to make change, any more than eating, an end in itself, He has balanced the love of change in them by a love of permanence. He has contrived to gratify both tastes together on the very world He has made, by that union of change and permanence which we call Rhythm. He gives them the seasons, each season different yet every year the same, so that spring is always felt as a novelty yet always as the recurrence of an immemorial theme. He gives them in His Church a spiritual ear; they change from a fast to a feast, but it is the same feast as before."

New Year, New Adventures!

Hopefully, I will be able to settle back into some kind of more regular blogging routine after my rather lengthy hiatus. When school struck last fall, blogging was never the same. Perhaps it was because homework competed with my attention, or perhaps with summer ending, I had fewer exciting things to post. In the near future, I may go back to chronicle some of the things I have done since I stopped blogging semi-weekly, but for now I want to get the obligatory "New Years" post out of the way while it is still January.

2010 was the first year that I made resolutions that I took deeply to heart and they ended up shaping my entire year. I ended up succeeding with most of them, and that made for a very satisfying year. I wanted the same kind of direction this year, so I spent a lot of time pondering about what would be the most important to me throughout 2011. Only 2 goals really stuck out to me, that I knew would be of paramount importance, but I wanted a more meaningful year so naturally I made up several other goals and dubbed them resolutions. As you may be able to predict, the other goals did not make through even the first couple weeks of January. I know I have rambled on goal setting before, but I realized this month that it does not matter how many goals you set at new years or any given time, but rather how important success in meeting those goals is to you. It is like a quote I read once. "Self discipline is remembering what you really want."

I think many goals are made more meaningful when made at times of your life when you are undergoing big changes. Here are a few changes that I have made since I last posted in order to achieve some goals that are important to me.

1. New home. Having transferred to BYU, I now live on my own in Provo, which was one of my goals of last year, moving me further towards independence.

2. New job. (kind of) I still work for the same company, but now I can work from home, which is a very convenient job for a college student like myself, and in order to be more financially independent, I am trying to work more hours and perhaps even get another job to supplement my income. Hopefully that works out.

3. New friends. This one is pretty hard. I love and miss my Salt Lake friends very much, and have no intention of ceasing to play with them. However, since it is not logical to drive 50 miles every day to hang out with them, I obviously have to leave my shell and make new friends here as well, which can be fun but is also kind of stressful in a way; sometimes afraid to just be myself because relationships are still fragile until people really get to know you, and then I can be my weird, crazy, opinionated self. It just takes time.

4. New school. I realize that I already covered this one, but there are other differences than just location. I know the work load will be greater and teaching styles much different. I am, however looking forward to it.

5. New lifestyle. Last year my physical focus was to become a triathlete. This year it is slightly different. Rather than the more exercise-intensive focus of 2010, I have started out this year with a new diet. Put simply, I eat vegetables, protein, and legumes for every meal and go nuts eating whatever I want one day a week. It is from a book called "The 4-Hour Body" by Tim Ferriss, which [don't worry!] I will not give an extensive review of at this time. But given my obsession with health and nutrition, I look forward to seeing how this works out. I may give occasional updates or insights from my experiences with it, but rest assured I am not going to turn this blog into a food journal or show weekly photos of my topless self in a mirror or anything. (Although you can find before pictures of me here.)

So there you have it. I am going to try my hand at blogging every week again, and see how that works out. If it doesn't, I apologize in advance. Have a great weekend!