Disclaimer: Lately I have felt more prone to blog when I am in a melancholy mood, so if the tone of my posts seems a little off, please forgive me, I'm not quite sure why I feel like blogging to de-stress and clear my head lately... That having been said, I will move on to today's subject, action! (Or lack thereof)
Now let me make this clear, I am not talking about the kind of action you think of associated with movies, like lasers and explosions and very well choreographed martial arts, I am simply referring to action in the sense of "doing something." And reflecting on the problems with not acting. (Again, don't think of this word in a movie-esque sense) Inacting is one of the easiest things in the world to do, especially for me. I have many ideas and opportunities all of the time that end in inaction. But, how can this be when I read so many books about taking action and so forth, how can this be when I know that inaction is much worse than acting and then failing because at least there is a chance of succeeding if you try. How can this be when I know and have oft recited the platitude that "you miss 100% percent of the shots you don't take," and I don't even like basketball! Well, I figured it out. I searched my own brain for the thought processes that were allowing me to circumnavigate around all of this knowledge and justify a course of inaction. I outline this particular stream of consciousness here, just in case it is similar to your own, and in hopes that identifying it will make it easier to overcome. But be warned, I often have a difficult time translating streams of consciousness and abstract thoughts into coherent paragraphs, but I will do my best, so bear with me...
It is not hard to identify the demotivating factor, because it is almost always the same... fear. But this much I have always known, of course fear causes inaction, but to date knowing this has rarely helped me to overcome my issues with inaction. I remember my best teacher, Bro. Little once explained to me how many people would rather have the possibility of success, than know for certain whether or not they would actually be a success. He explained that he had a friend who for years and years would talk about a business idea he had, and loved to bask in the praise that people offered when he explained the idea he would eventually implement. Finally, Bro. Little offered to help him get his idea going and make it a reality, but his friend declined. From an observer's standpoint, his friend seems absolutely ridiculous! Who would rather have the possibility of success than the real thing? Well, I think most of us, but I could be projecting.
I did not understand how I could go against everything I believed about seizing opportunities, until two things happened recently. The first thing is that we talked about time in my family recreation class. We discussed how valuable we hold time in society, how efficiency and busy-ness are highly regarded virtues in our culture. We discusses a book called "In praise of slowness: challenging the cult of speed" and it got my mind going about time, and how in order to feel valued by society we must be busy, and not waste time. The second thing is that I watched "Dead Poets Society" and realized that I really do always feel like there is more than enough future left to do everything I need/want to, but of course, there is not, mortality is carries with it an inevitable, unknowable deadline, by which time you had better have done what you wanted.
Ok, now that I have got that out, I think I can explain my thought process. First, fear makes it possible for me to convince myself that the endeavor I am undertaking cannot succeed. It leaves no room for the possibility of success. Once my subconscious has convinced itself that failure is inevitable, it is easy to conclude that any time and effort applied to aforementioned task would be wasted, in addition to resulting in the sadness affiliated with failure. The mind then decides that facing possible failure it can handle, and wasting time it can do, but both combined is not worth the risk, especially since we are already secretly convinced of our inevitable failure. I can then go about wasting time in some other way that does not involve any risks, and therefore there is no possibility of failure, something that my emotions are not invested in, like Facebook or YouTube.
So, having now identified how I think this awful process works, I am hoping that I will be better able to avoid it in the future. Here's to hoping. Well, I better get going, I have a few calls to make to potential customers for a business idea I have been working on lately, but maybe I will go check my messages and notifications first...
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
On Dreams...
School has been super awful this semester. And sometimes it really gets me down. These are the times when I wonder why I am even in school at all. Why don't I just leave? Then I think, "What would I do if I left?" It is at this point that I realize that I don't really have much of a clue what I am going to do when I finish anyway, so why not just leave now and figure it out sooner than later? I know I want to be an entrepreneur, I have some ideas I could get started, and all this I want to do so I can live my dreams. It was at this point in my stream of consciousness that I realized I don't really have many dreams...
This turned out to be quite a startling thought for me. I felt like I had just grown so accustomed to a life of school and schedules and jobs, that I had a hard time answering the question: "What would you do if money was not an issue?" So I have thought about that question a lot lately. And it has been a lot harder than you might think to come up with dreams that matter to me, rather than just stealing other peoples because they sound cool. But I have thought of a few things, and I know I am going to need to make this list longer, but these are some of my dreams that I am going to live... Starting this year.
3. Fencing. Weird, I know. But it is another thing I really want to learn and am excited about. So I will.
4. Travel. This one has always been on my list, and I have various specifics destinations I would like to go to, but I will not bore you with the details of each one. I just want to see and experience as much of the world as I can.
5. Become an [amateur] survivalist. I really want to learn more about this kind of stuff. Not like I ever plan on just marching into the mountains one day to live there indefinitely, but I would like to be able to just in case it was ever necessary, or for a weekend or something. But I think I should throw a disclaimer in there, I do not want to be Bear Grylls and learn how to survive in any environment in the world and eat camel dung or whatever. Just be able to live in the mountains like that crazy guy in southern Utah. Except without all of the felonies...
6. Rock Climbing, this could kind of be paired with the last one, since it could be described as a survivalist skill, but I figure I would learn them from different places.
7. Kayaking. I feel like I might like this one, I pretty much need to give it a try and then see if it really is one of my dreams to get god at it, I have it on here as a potential dream.
8. Become a hot-air balloon pilot. Yeah, I pretty much can't think of many things that would be cooler than owning and piloting my own hot-air balloon.
9. Write a book. I am not sure what on, how long, or even what genre... I just want to.
10. This last one is no secret or revelation, I have dreamed of being a successful entrepreneur for years, and in fact I view it as the dream that makes the others possible. For this reason it should probably have been first, but it seemed rather poetic to have the last be the first, so I kept it the way it is.
Well, that looks like a good start to me. I am going to take a lighter class load in the fall and sign up for either martial arts or fencing lessons, and have somewhat of a "mini-retirement." Except without the travel. (Unless of course you count the cruise I will go on in November) So there you have it, and more importantly, there I have it. This is mostly a post for me. One to help me get my thoughts down in writing and give some clarity to them. If you have any dreams, fulfilled or not, comment them below. It might help me get some more inspiration...
This turned out to be quite a startling thought for me. I felt like I had just grown so accustomed to a life of school and schedules and jobs, that I had a hard time answering the question: "What would you do if money was not an issue?" So I have thought about that question a lot lately. And it has been a lot harder than you might think to come up with dreams that matter to me, rather than just stealing other peoples because they sound cool. But I have thought of a few things, and I know I am going to need to make this list longer, but these are some of my dreams that I am going to live... Starting this year.
1. Someday, I want to live in Dominica with Katie, even if it just for a month or two. For those of you who don't know, I am not referring to the Dominican Republic. Dominica is a southern Caribbean island we visited last November, and one of the most beautiful places in the world. They call it "The Nature Island" as well as "The Island of Longevity" because they have one of the highest percentages of people over 100 in the world. They grow everything you have ever heard of and more, and the produce there looks like it is on steroids. Plus, dozens of waterfalls, rivers, beaches, and even a boiling lake. Hurricanes are rare, and there are no deadly animals on the island. Paradise...
2. Learn a martial art. I am not 100% decided on which one, though. This is another one that Katie and I both want to do together. For most of my life I was not a fan of this idea, but recently it has sounded more and more appealing, and I am excited to give it a try.
4. Travel. This one has always been on my list, and I have various specifics destinations I would like to go to, but I will not bore you with the details of each one. I just want to see and experience as much of the world as I can.
5. Become an [amateur] survivalist. I really want to learn more about this kind of stuff. Not like I ever plan on just marching into the mountains one day to live there indefinitely, but I would like to be able to just in case it was ever necessary, or for a weekend or something. But I think I should throw a disclaimer in there, I do not want to be Bear Grylls and learn how to survive in any environment in the world and eat camel dung or whatever. Just be able to live in the mountains like that crazy guy in southern Utah. Except without all of the felonies...
6. Rock Climbing, this could kind of be paired with the last one, since it could be described as a survivalist skill, but I figure I would learn them from different places.
7. Kayaking. I feel like I might like this one, I pretty much need to give it a try and then see if it really is one of my dreams to get god at it, I have it on here as a potential dream.
8. Become a hot-air balloon pilot. Yeah, I pretty much can't think of many things that would be cooler than owning and piloting my own hot-air balloon.
9. Write a book. I am not sure what on, how long, or even what genre... I just want to.
10. This last one is no secret or revelation, I have dreamed of being a successful entrepreneur for years, and in fact I view it as the dream that makes the others possible. For this reason it should probably have been first, but it seemed rather poetic to have the last be the first, so I kept it the way it is.
Well, that looks like a good start to me. I am going to take a lighter class load in the fall and sign up for either martial arts or fencing lessons, and have somewhat of a "mini-retirement." Except without the travel. (Unless of course you count the cruise I will go on in November) So there you have it, and more importantly, there I have it. This is mostly a post for me. One to help me get my thoughts down in writing and give some clarity to them. If you have any dreams, fulfilled or not, comment them below. It might help me get some more inspiration...
Sunday, February 19, 2012
For Time and Eternity...
For the purpose of filling in the gaps that I left by not blogging for a whole year, I am writing this, the first of many such posts, hopefully, to fill in my imaginary readers on what the actual readers (hi Mom!) of this blog already know...
I met Katie in Junior High, but I don't remember having any classes with her until High School. World history sophomore year, and chemistry senior year. (Yes, we had chemistry together, hilarious.) Anyway, it was in these two classes that we became acquaintances. But never friends, really. We could not even find each others signatures in our yearbooks, if that says anything. Eventually I left on my mission, and near the time when I got back, she left on hers. While she was gone I rekindled friendships with some of my old high school friends, and spent a lot of time with them. Eventually, she got home and started spending time with the same high school friends I was spending time with, and thus we re-met.
She did not know who I was, actually. I remembered her, but she thought I was someone else. It was not until she looked me up in the yearbook that she realized who I was. She only (to this day) has one memory of me from before the mission. It is of the dweeby, awkward, pudgy, annoying, 10th grade version of myself following her through the halls calling her "kit" (she used to spell her name 'KT') which apparently I thought was hilarious and she thought was outrageously irritating.
But now that I am older, much more mature, irresistibly attractive, charming, and funny, she was able to overlook her one memory of me, and be friends with me. Which we remained for about 6 or 7 months after she got home. We went hiking, snowshoeing, camping, rafting, and backpacking together. By February we could not be satisfied with friendship any longer. After attending a concert on Valentines Day with a group of friends, I went to her house and asked her on our first date which we scheduled for Presidents day weekend. We went birdwatching, which included some strategic marsh bushwacking, which required us holding hands in order to steady one another... Got hotdogs (that made her sick) and went to the Nickelcade (I know, totally romantic, right?). We kissed on our second date, and were decidedly steady by our third.
About a month and a half later, I was approached about a summer job opportunity selling for Living Scriptures. My biggest hangup was that I didn't want to leave Katie. She once thought about coming with me, but then decided against it thinking it was "too big a commitment." I felt quite strongly that I needed to go do this job, and she said she would support me in whatever I chose. About a week later, we went camping together and she brought up marriage. I was surprised because I had planned on dropping the big "I love you" that night, and here I had already been trumped by her explaining that she had often dreamed of us being married or engaged, and that she prayed about it and received a "Well, duh. Isn't it obvious?"
So here I was, completely caught off guard, because the last thing I'd heard from her is that she "liked where we were" and selling with me would be "too big a commitment." She had also mentioned a few days prior that she didn't think she would get married until she was 50. But I was glad to hear it, for I had certainly been thinking about marriage, I told her so (rather awkwardly I might add) and then we shared the sentiment I had planned on delivering that night anyway. About another week later, three days before I was set to leave for my summer job she asked if I really had to go. I said yes, because I felt like I was being prepared for certain things like independence... responsibility... and... marriage... there was a short silence broken by Katie saying "I do want to marry you Mike." I sighed and expressed my joy that the feeling was mutual. The next day we spent the day together discussing marriage, the day after that I planned how I would propose and talked to her parents, and then the next morning, Easter Sunday, I popped the question when I went to her house to pick her up for church.
The next day I left for three and a half months, which in case you are bad at math is almost twice as long as we dated! She flew to Houston to visit me in July, and then again at the end of the summer so we could drive home together. From that day we have been virtually inseparable. We were married on October 6th, 2011 in the Salt Lake Temple and life together has been nothing short of euphoric since then. (It is only life apart that gets hard, like when I am at school or she is cutting hair) I love her so much, and am eternally grateful that Heavenly Father put all the dominoes in place so that events would transpire as they did. I got so much more than the best wife I could ever begin to hope for, I also got to be an older brother (something I have always wanted) of five new siblings, as well as getting two grandpas, two more parents, one new adorable nephew, more new aunts and uncles than I can count, and a new best friend.
I met Katie in Junior High, but I don't remember having any classes with her until High School. World history sophomore year, and chemistry senior year. (Yes, we had chemistry together, hilarious.) Anyway, it was in these two classes that we became acquaintances. But never friends, really. We could not even find each others signatures in our yearbooks, if that says anything. Eventually I left on my mission, and near the time when I got back, she left on hers. While she was gone I rekindled friendships with some of my old high school friends, and spent a lot of time with them. Eventually, she got home and started spending time with the same high school friends I was spending time with, and thus we re-met.
She did not know who I was, actually. I remembered her, but she thought I was someone else. It was not until she looked me up in the yearbook that she realized who I was. She only (to this day) has one memory of me from before the mission. It is of the dweeby, awkward, pudgy, annoying, 10th grade version of myself following her through the halls calling her "kit" (she used to spell her name 'KT') which apparently I thought was hilarious and she thought was outrageously irritating.
But now that I am older, much more mature, irresistibly attractive, charming, and funny, she was able to overlook her one memory of me, and be friends with me. Which we remained for about 6 or 7 months after she got home. We went hiking, snowshoeing, camping, rafting, and backpacking together. By February we could not be satisfied with friendship any longer. After attending a concert on Valentines Day with a group of friends, I went to her house and asked her on our first date which we scheduled for Presidents day weekend. We went birdwatching, which included some strategic marsh bushwacking, which required us holding hands in order to steady one another... Got hotdogs (that made her sick) and went to the Nickelcade (I know, totally romantic, right?). We kissed on our second date, and were decidedly steady by our third.
About a month and a half later, I was approached about a summer job opportunity selling for Living Scriptures. My biggest hangup was that I didn't want to leave Katie. She once thought about coming with me, but then decided against it thinking it was "too big a commitment." I felt quite strongly that I needed to go do this job, and she said she would support me in whatever I chose. About a week later, we went camping together and she brought up marriage. I was surprised because I had planned on dropping the big "I love you" that night, and here I had already been trumped by her explaining that she had often dreamed of us being married or engaged, and that she prayed about it and received a "Well, duh. Isn't it obvious?"
So here I was, completely caught off guard, because the last thing I'd heard from her is that she "liked where we were" and selling with me would be "too big a commitment." She had also mentioned a few days prior that she didn't think she would get married until she was 50. But I was glad to hear it, for I had certainly been thinking about marriage, I told her so (rather awkwardly I might add) and then we shared the sentiment I had planned on delivering that night anyway. About another week later, three days before I was set to leave for my summer job she asked if I really had to go. I said yes, because I felt like I was being prepared for certain things like independence... responsibility... and... marriage... there was a short silence broken by Katie saying "I do want to marry you Mike." I sighed and expressed my joy that the feeling was mutual. The next day we spent the day together discussing marriage, the day after that I planned how I would propose and talked to her parents, and then the next morning, Easter Sunday, I popped the question when I went to her house to pick her up for church.
The next day I left for three and a half months, which in case you are bad at math is almost twice as long as we dated! She flew to Houston to visit me in July, and then again at the end of the summer so we could drive home together. From that day we have been virtually inseparable. We were married on October 6th, 2011 in the Salt Lake Temple and life together has been nothing short of euphoric since then. (It is only life apart that gets hard, like when I am at school or she is cutting hair) I love her so much, and am eternally grateful that Heavenly Father put all the dominoes in place so that events would transpire as they did. I got so much more than the best wife I could ever begin to hope for, I also got to be an older brother (something I have always wanted) of five new siblings, as well as getting two grandpas, two more parents, one new adorable nephew, more new aunts and uncles than I can count, and a new best friend.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
On Being Extraordinary
It has been almost exactly one year since I last posted. That is incredible to me. Anyway, there are many reasons why I stopped, and life ceasing to be interesting or noteworthy are not things I would list among those reasons. Maybe if this new found desire to resurrect the blog lasts beyond tonight I will write about many of the things that I have done and experienced in the last 12 months. (As if anyone reading this wouldn't already know anyway) But I digress from the point.
The point is not the many reasons why I stopped. It is the one reason I started this blog back up. That reason is multifaceted but it basically boils down to a friend I made in one (well, two actually) of my classes this semester. His name is Jeff, and it was his appearance in a Youtube video that got me thinking about people (like him) who are truly extraordinary.
I don't think there are many of us that want to be ordinary, although I would hypothesize that most people have just accepted that they are not and will never be truly extraordinary. I am at this moment, battling with myself, trying with all my mental strength to not join that group of individuals, the ones who have accepted ordinaryness, and it is proving much more difficult than usual.
My friend Jeff is in two leisure classes with me. (These are classes based on the concept of leisure, they are not easy, leisurely classes) Because of the subject matter of these classes, Jeff gets regular opportunities to talk about what he likes to do for leisure and recreation, just as we all do. He likes rock climbing, canyoneering, that kind of stuff. But not just like most people like it, and certainly not just how I like it. He REALLY likes it, and he does some incredible things. One day in class he talked about a particularly long and difficult climb he did, and said that he enjoyed the satisfaction of having been one of only a few dozen people to have ever finished the route he had. But then I was watching Youtube videos today, and saw the following video...
Awesome, right? Beautiful views, cool people, fun music, and great camera work. This is the kind of video I really admire, the kind that makes life look even more fun than it is in reality. As some of you may know, it was a video that inspired me to start this blog in the first place. I knew I would never meet the maker of that video, he was just some Asian dude who could really dance and visited lots of cool places. I considered him extraordinary because of his travels, and was inspired by the video. This new video is different. When I saw Jeff in the the behind the scenes part, something hit me. Something like: Here is this kid, a few years younger than me, at the same school, and he is part of something so extraordinarily cool, and here I am, just watching videos of it. That is when I realized that I am no longer just a kid who watches other people older than him do remarkable things, people are my age and already extraordinary, and not just people who live hundreds of miles away or in much different circumstances than me. I met one. And he is not a whole lot different than me.
Anyway, this post is not much more than just rambling. I don't know exactly what makes someone extraordinary, nor do I know if people who I think are, consider themselves to be. In fighting this battle against myself, trying to make myself believe that I am, or at least still can be extraordinary, and live a life free of boredom and outside the mundane, I have done a lot of reflecting. I am not yet convinced of my extraordinarity. Too many people have done the same things I have. I am not sure exactly where the cutoff line is, exactly. I just know that I have not crossed to the other side of it yet...
Perhaps if only a few others have done what you have, you are extraordinary. Perhaps only a few dozen people, or maybe even a hundred. If 101 people have done it, does it lose its uniqueness? I am not sure. Surely many people have climbed Everest, and few would call those people ordinary, but the more people do it, the less exciting it becomes. I figure that as more and more people put forth this effort, that they will in turn raise the bar for those who follow, working harder and accomplishing feats and setting new records. If I figure correctly, the more time passes, the harder it is to be noticed. Soon you have to be that guy who climbed Everest blind, in order to even be noticed. Marathons, too, used to mean something, but now tons of people have done them, and people are less and less impressed by them, the same goes for triathlons. Although, I would not yet consider those who finish an Ironman ordinary...
But then, maybe there is no "maximum occupancy" and everyone can be extraordinary. Maybe it is not the sheer number of people who have become extraordinary, typified by those who can confidently declare: "I walked on the moon." Perhaps what really makes someone extraordinary is that they have done something that requires extraordinary effort. This may often be associated with small numbers of people because so few of us are willing to stretch ourselves that far outside our comfort zone.
Okay, well that is enough rambling for tonight. I may return to this subject more in the future, and I will consider what I can do to join the ranks of those who's lives are worth talking about. In the mean time comment and let me know your thoughts on the matter. But please, don't try to tell me how special and extraordinary I am, this post was not intended so that I could get pandered to. Until next time, which is hopefully sooner than February 2013...
The point is not the many reasons why I stopped. It is the one reason I started this blog back up. That reason is multifaceted but it basically boils down to a friend I made in one (well, two actually) of my classes this semester. His name is Jeff, and it was his appearance in a Youtube video that got me thinking about people (like him) who are truly extraordinary.
I don't think there are many of us that want to be ordinary, although I would hypothesize that most people have just accepted that they are not and will never be truly extraordinary. I am at this moment, battling with myself, trying with all my mental strength to not join that group of individuals, the ones who have accepted ordinaryness, and it is proving much more difficult than usual.
My friend Jeff is in two leisure classes with me. (These are classes based on the concept of leisure, they are not easy, leisurely classes) Because of the subject matter of these classes, Jeff gets regular opportunities to talk about what he likes to do for leisure and recreation, just as we all do. He likes rock climbing, canyoneering, that kind of stuff. But not just like most people like it, and certainly not just how I like it. He REALLY likes it, and he does some incredible things. One day in class he talked about a particularly long and difficult climb he did, and said that he enjoyed the satisfaction of having been one of only a few dozen people to have ever finished the route he had. But then I was watching Youtube videos today, and saw the following video...
Awesome, right? Beautiful views, cool people, fun music, and great camera work. This is the kind of video I really admire, the kind that makes life look even more fun than it is in reality. As some of you may know, it was a video that inspired me to start this blog in the first place. I knew I would never meet the maker of that video, he was just some Asian dude who could really dance and visited lots of cool places. I considered him extraordinary because of his travels, and was inspired by the video. This new video is different. When I saw Jeff in the the behind the scenes part, something hit me. Something like: Here is this kid, a few years younger than me, at the same school, and he is part of something so extraordinarily cool, and here I am, just watching videos of it. That is when I realized that I am no longer just a kid who watches other people older than him do remarkable things, people are my age and already extraordinary, and not just people who live hundreds of miles away or in much different circumstances than me. I met one. And he is not a whole lot different than me.
Anyway, this post is not much more than just rambling. I don't know exactly what makes someone extraordinary, nor do I know if people who I think are, consider themselves to be. In fighting this battle against myself, trying to make myself believe that I am, or at least still can be extraordinary, and live a life free of boredom and outside the mundane, I have done a lot of reflecting. I am not yet convinced of my extraordinarity. Too many people have done the same things I have. I am not sure exactly where the cutoff line is, exactly. I just know that I have not crossed to the other side of it yet...
Perhaps if only a few others have done what you have, you are extraordinary. Perhaps only a few dozen people, or maybe even a hundred. If 101 people have done it, does it lose its uniqueness? I am not sure. Surely many people have climbed Everest, and few would call those people ordinary, but the more people do it, the less exciting it becomes. I figure that as more and more people put forth this effort, that they will in turn raise the bar for those who follow, working harder and accomplishing feats and setting new records. If I figure correctly, the more time passes, the harder it is to be noticed. Soon you have to be that guy who climbed Everest blind, in order to even be noticed. Marathons, too, used to mean something, but now tons of people have done them, and people are less and less impressed by them, the same goes for triathlons. Although, I would not yet consider those who finish an Ironman ordinary...
But then, maybe there is no "maximum occupancy" and everyone can be extraordinary. Maybe it is not the sheer number of people who have become extraordinary, typified by those who can confidently declare: "I walked on the moon." Perhaps what really makes someone extraordinary is that they have done something that requires extraordinary effort. This may often be associated with small numbers of people because so few of us are willing to stretch ourselves that far outside our comfort zone.
Okay, well that is enough rambling for tonight. I may return to this subject more in the future, and I will consider what I can do to join the ranks of those who's lives are worth talking about. In the mean time comment and let me know your thoughts on the matter. But please, don't try to tell me how special and extraordinary I am, this post was not intended so that I could get pandered to. Until next time, which is hopefully sooner than February 2013...
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